Monauar leaning on couch smiling at the camera

I always wanted to act.

Since I was 3 dancing to Annie on VHS (oh take me back to when we could rewind things).

And I was on track to be one, too.

I studied theater at the University of La Verne. Drilled Shakespearean soliloquies at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts (LAMDA). And after the best-job-ever in France, I performed at the Hollywood Fringe Festival and the Shakespeare Center of Los Angeles.

I was acting. Doing it. Everything was incredible…Except it wasn’t.

I was quietly struggling with isolating social anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.

How could I love something so much and feel like I don’t belong? It must be proof I’m not meant for this.

So I backed away, convinced I’d never go on a stage again.

Two women talk together in a play
Three witches of Macbeth brew a potion

But before I knew it, the “oh man I miss it,” turned into “maybe I can do this again,” turned into “OMG I just submitted for something,” and I was performing. 

This time focusing on film. (After all I lived in So-Cal, shouldn’t I do what we’re known for?)

I twirled my way back into classes and auditions, and booked incredibly-written shorts with new directors. 

It was finally like I imagined it would be. 

Except, it wasn’t. Again.

The same critical audience in my mind came back. Stronger. And with more opinions.

Confirmed proof I couldn’t do it.

Acting was a toxic boyfriend, someone I loved but never found a way to coexist with.

So we broke up. For the second time.

Monauar looks at the camera with fairy lights behind her

I left soulfully bruised and creatively heartbroken, and crawled into an on-paper dream job working with creative entrepreneurs.  

Big-hearted mentors and genius coaches helped me see that all creatives and entrepreneurs doubt.

From seven-figure moguls to the artist painting in her basement next door. 

I didn’t have to 

  • mold myself into a perfect me.

  • pretend like I knew everything. 

  • hide myself away.

I just needed different tools to thrive. 

So now we meet in the present. Hi 👋 Where I’m showing up again but with a calmer heart and kinder mind. 

Monauar looks off into the distance
Monauar giggles to the camera
Monauar smiles while her hand covers her cheek
Monauar laughs while sitting in a director's chair

I act, not just because I love it, but because I’m proof there’s always room to try again.

Even if you failed before. 

Even if you aren’t clear on the full path. 

Even if you didn’t see yourself reflected in the art around you like I didn’t. 

And as a half-Syrian, half-Mexican American who grew up Muslim and with Catholicism, I know what not seeing yourself in art feels like.

So now I also write shorts that reflect the beautiful, diverse, messy worlds that I experienced. 

And as a creative coach, I help anxious and burnt out creatives return to their creativity with love, ease, joy, and passion. 

I never want you to struggle in creative isolation, fear, self-doubt, or heartbreak.

You can find space to reclaim what you loved and re-write the story, re-paint the mural, resing the song. 

For more words that fill your heart and soul, join my weekly love letter here.

Every Wednesday, you’ll get creativity tips, learn from my biggest creative mistakes, and loving reminders that you can do it.  

All my love 💖, 

monauar